


You Gave Me Roses, And I Left Them There To Die

by CaptainCoffee



Category: Star Trek Voyager
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/No Comfort, So much angst, The moonlight sail, Unrequited Love, a coda to Coda, season 3 episode 15: Coda, yes the title is from a taylor swift song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:47:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27188161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainCoffee/pseuds/CaptainCoffee
Summary: Every J/C shipper has their Coda fic...This is my very angsty take on what may have happened surrounding the events of the moonlight sail.
Relationships: Kathryn Janeway/Chakotay
Comments: 8
Kudos: 14





	You Gave Me Roses, And I Left Them There To Die

**Author's Note:**

> Every J/C shipper has their Coda fic...  
> This is my very angsty take on what may have happened surrounding the events of the moonlight sail.

Kathryn didn’t know precisely what she expected to happen that night. 

She didn’t even really know why she had suggested that holoprogram in the first place.

No, that wasn’t true.

If she were honest with herself, she knew exactly why.

She sighed heavily as she entered her dark, empty quarters after bidding Chakotay goodnight.

Kicking off her boots and shedding her uniform jacket, she sank down into a chair, and began replaying the evening’s events in her mind.

Oh, she hadn’t been subtle.

The romantic setting-a moonlight sail, with champagne, no less!- her teasing smiles and flirtatious tone...

She had allowed herself to think that, just maybe, tonight would be different- that perhaps her brush with death would have given her the courage, or the impulsiveness, to finally act on the feelings she had kept hidden for so long.

But she hadn’t.

Nothing had changed.

Tonight’s exchange had been no different from any of the countless friendly conversations she and Chakotay always shared.

Yes, there had been meaningful glances, silences that said so much more than words- but that wasn’t unusual either.

Kathryn chuckled bitterly.

She thought of Chakotay.

The unrequited feelings they shared nearly drove  _ her _ crazy sometimes-she could only imagine what they must be doing to him.

Yet he never pushed her, never challenged her- never overstepped the parameters she had set so long ago.

But somewhere, in the back of her mind, she almost wished he would.

If he would only speak up, take the first step, reaffirm the love she already knew was there...

Kathryn leaned her head wearily into her palm.

She was so very tired of having to make all the decisions.

And choosing their love was one decision she could never make.

An indelible line was drawn between the two of them, and neither could ever take the first step across.

Because Kathryn knew, that to her dying day, she would respect protocol-and Chakotay would respect her.

If only they were in any other circumstances....

Kathryn shook her head, trying desperately not to think too much about what they might do in those other circumstances- she knew it would only make her feel worse.

Her eyes burned, but she didn’t cry.

She simply sat, staring out into the stars-numb and empty.

It was growing late, but she knew it would be no use trying to sleep. 

Trying to put her mind on anything but Chakotay, she stood up determinedly, hunting for a PADD with some unread fuel reports from earlier that day.

She found nothing, realizing suddenly that she must have left it in her ready room.

Frustrated, she retrieved the discarded pieces of her uniform, and headed down the corridor.

Entering her ready room from the rear entrance to avoid the bridge, she immediately snatched up the PADD and started to leave, but a spot of color on the table caught her eye, stopping her in her tracks.

She turned toward it, against her better judgment-because she already knew what it was.

The rose Chakotay had given her.

Very slowly, she walked over and picked it up, gently running her fingers over the petals. 

She hadn’t put it in water, and it was already withering brown.

That rose meant so much to her-and she had tossed it aside, forgotten it, like it was nothing.

Kathryn chuckled ruefully at the irony of it.

She had never thought of herself as careless until that moment.

Because it was then that she realized-Chakotay’s love was like that rose.

Something beautiful, precious...and something she took almost entirely for granted, as if it would always be there.

Kathryn gripped the rose more tightly as another terrible realization came to her; that one day, Chakotay’s love for her would wither and die, and  there was nothing she could do to prevent it.

Her precious protocols forbade her from ever nurturing the love she held so dear.

The tears came then, flowing of their own accord, rising from the aching emptiness in her heart.

It was all just so damned unfair.

Curled up on her ready room sofa, she cried herself to sleep, the faded blossom still clutched in her hand.


End file.
